My Approach

How can I be useful to you?

This is the question I want you to ask yourself before you call my number, when you enter my virtual office, on the first session, and thereafter.

This question can help you organize your thoughts if you aren’t exactly sure what you should talk about or where to start.

This question helps us stay focused on why you came here.

You can think of me as an instrument – I have worked, studied, and trained hard for many years to sit before you ready to play.

You are the expert of your life, and I have all sorts of tools I’ve collected over the years. Together, we are going to combine our expertise to tackle what brings you here.

The relationship you have with your therapist is the most important thing…

It’s what will determine the outcome of your therapy.

I can’t stress this enough: More than any theoretical orientation or specialty I might bring to the table, it’s our relationship that matters most.

What we now know about clinical therapy is that you having a trusting relationship with him or her is more important than your therapist being skilled in what we consider “evidence-based” approaches. I could have the exact background you are looking for in a therapist; but if you don’t feel comfortable talking to me, it’s not going to matter.

I will ask you to pay attention to it when you call for your initial consultation.

Pay attention to your own reaction to me as we talk…

Do you feel relief?

Do you feel more anxious?

Do my answers to your questions actually answer your questions?!

It can sometimes feel obvious that we are going to connect well. Other times, it helps to meet in person for a session.

During our first session…

I will be a stranger to you, so I want you to pay attention to what puts you at ease as you talk to me.

I can reflect to you that I am understanding what you are telling me. You’ll understand my observations or questions, which I have based on our rapport.

It is normal to feel nervous and anxious before our first session.

Do you know what it is like to feel safe? Sometimes we are in touch with our gut, and it tells us we are safe. Sometimes, based on what we’ve been through in our life, we don’t trust our instincts. I understand this. I will help guide you as you make this decision.

Let’s talk about “good enough” …

There is a big space between ‘perfect’ and ‘horrible,’ I promise.

It is really common to struggle with being caught in-between them. Our relationship will be one way we can understand “good enough.” It is not going to be perfect. I will make a mistake at some point or misunderstand you. In a ‘good enough’ relationship, we can repair this and move forward having gained some insight into how you heal from conflict.

You must talk about what is hard to talk about, and I will help. It can be weird to tell someone that you don’t think it’s a good fit. I will help you think about your gut instinct with me, and we will decide if we should continue to work together.

Our work together will be goal-directed…

… where we’ll work together to clearly state your goals for therapy.

While there might be a session occasionally where you will find it helpful to vent to me about something in your life, in general, we want to make every session valuable to you.

Goals keep us on track and focused on how to use our time together. In the beginning, one of your first goals may be to reduce the distressing symptom that is bringing you to therapy. As you make success with that, we will talk about where to go with this progress.

As our time together continues, your goals will naturally go deeper and be layered with the context of your life. For example, an early goal may be recognizing when you feel anxious and using tools to reduce your experience of it. Later, it may be exploring the difference between anxiety about the new person you are dating because they make you feel unsafe versus the anxiety of vulnerability you experience as you eventually learn to connect meaningfully with someone else.

Another layer of this goal might be to explore how this current anxiety relates to the loss of your parent, as a part of you is trying to find a replacement safety net. We will go beneath the surface to do the work necessary to change your life.

I prefer a fluid transition between assessment and treatment.

Of course, in therapy, my goal is to get to know you better and better.

As I get to know you better, treatment will progress from broad to specific.

So, first, we’ll look for ways to reduce any immediate suffering you may be experiencing. As we move forward, we’ll work to reduce other symptoms that are causing you distress.

As our relationship progresses, the focus of our efforts to reduce your pain and suffering will become sharper and more specific.

Frankly, my hope is that I’ll one day be obsolete to you.

How will you know when you will be finished with therapy?

It is important we envision what you hope to get out of therapy. That will not only guide our work; it will also mark the end of it.

We will aim to build natural supports for you to use instead of only being dependent upon my support. While our visions for the future don’t always solidify as we predict them to, we normally know when we get what is close enough to our original goal for our purpose of therapy.

We don’t often get a chance to have good endings. We spend a lot of time as a community thinking of what brings people to therapy but not what can happen at the end. A good goodbye. It is a healing experience to let me go when you don’t need me anymore.

Ready to see how I can be useful to you?

The real way to understand my approach is to call me. You’ll know very quickly on our call if I’m someone you still want to keep talking to.

I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation where we will talk about what you are going through, if I think I can help and how, answer your questions, and talk logistics. Call me at (202) 656-8515 to schedule a consultation.